What She Doesn't Know
by Big Bad Mama
Summary: This is a post-Endgame piece of art. It focuses on the lives of Kathryn Janeway and her daughter Bridgette. However, circumstances cause Bridgette to question who her father is and why he hasn't been a part of her life. Will her discoveries help rip people apart or help bring them together?
1. The Beginning

DISCLAIMER: Meh. Some of the characters are mine. Some are not. The basis is obviously ST:V. If you haven't figured that out, I suggest you go elsewhere...

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"Mommy?" she asked softly. The small girl tilted her head up toward her mother.

"Yes, baby?" she replied. She didn't look down at her daughter. Rather, she continued looking up at the stars. They looked so bright and beautiful, especially that night.

"What was Daddy like?"

She froze. The way she asked was so simple, so pure and innocent. The answer, though? It was loaded with harsh reality. "Well, baby…" she said, taking in a deep breath. Thoughts started to run through her mind. She pictured the girl's father with absolute clarity, as if they had seen each other in the last half a decade. "He was… He was a strong man. He was the kind of man that would be able to pick you up in his arms and twirl you around like a princess. He was very smart, too. He knew a lot about nature and history and spirits."

"Spirits?"

"Yes, baby, spirits," she said. She lifted the small girl off of her lap and set her down on the grass in front of her. "You see, he believed that when people died, not all of them died. He believed that there was a part of you that stayed around to watch over your family and friends – an invisible part of you."

"Are spirits real, Mommy?"

"I like to think so, Bridgette. I like to think so…"

"Is Daddy a spirit?"

"No, Daddy's here. Just not with us."

()()()()()()()()()()

_Eleven Years Later…_

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"Hey, Bridge!"

"Oh, hey Steph! What's up?"

"Oh my God, how can you not _remember_?" Stephanie gushed, running to catch up to Bridgette.

"Remember _what_? What's going on?" Bridgette laughed.

"There's going to be a lecture today! About joining _Star Fleet_."

"Really!? Wait, what!? Why didn't I know about this!?"

"How did you _not_ know!? It's been the _only_ think people have been talking about for the past week! Geez, Bridge! Catch up!"

"Shut up," she said, nudging her giddy blonde friend. "I've been really busy lately with finals and all."

"I don't even see why you bother studying," Stephanie responded. "You're going to ace them anyways. You always do."

"You don't know that! Besides. I like feeling prepared," Bridgette said, nodding her head affirmatively.

"You really are just like your Mom, nerd."

"Shut up!"

Both the girls laughed and quickly made their way through the groups of students to Reynolds Hall, where all the lectures were held. Bridgette was trying to cool her excitement. Because her mother was the famous Kathryn Janeway, she grew up learning all about Star Fleet and its wonder. For as long as Bridgette could remember, all she had ever wanted to do was join Star Fleet. She knew that she wouldn't have a very hard time getting into the Academy (after all, she did attend a very prestigious private school essentially aimed at training future cadets), but she still wanted to stand out. She wanted to make it because of her skills, not because of her mother.

"Just think," Stephanie said, pushing open the door to the lecture hall. "In just three short years, we'll be the newest, coolest cadets at Star Fl – oh!"

Bridgette slammed into Stephanie as Stephanie slammed into the mysterious man exiting the lecture hall.

"Oh, my bad, I'm so sorry!" Stephanie said, backing up from the man. As she did, she backed into Bridgette, who was still unbalanced, causing her to fall and drop her PADD, which slid across the smooth walkway.

"Oh, no, it's entirely my fault," he apologized. Upon noticing Bridgette, he said, "Here, let me help you up." He extended his arm towards her and she looked up at him. He was an older gentleman, probably in his mid-to-late fifties. His hair was as black as Bridgette's except for the slight greying in his roots. She took his hand gratefully and let him pull her to her feet. "I apologize Miss…?"

"Bridgette! Yes, ah, um, I'm Bridgette, and this is my friend Stephanie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both. I assume you're here for the lecture?"

"Oh, of course!" Bridgette said. She caught a glimpse of Stephanie, who was obviously stunned. Bridgette wasn't sure if it was running into someone so head on or something else. "Are you participating?"

"Why yes I am. In fact, I'm giving the lecture. I'm Captain Chakotay." Stephanie's stunned silence suddenly made sense.

"I, um, oh goodness…" Bridgette muttered, unsure of how to continue talking. Of course she knew all _about_ Captain Chakotay and how he had served with her mother on _Voyager_. But knowing about him and meeting him were two entirely different things.

_Collect your composure, Bridgette!_

"I-it-it's nice to meet you," she stuttered, far less impressively than she had intended to. "We're really looking forward to your lecture."

"That's very nice of you to say," he said, smiling back at her. He had a very nice smile. "I hope it's enough to interest you in Star Fleet."

"Oh, we're very interested in Star Fleet, Captain!"

"That's good! Do you have any particular field in mind?"

"Well, I'll probably go into Command like my moth –"

Suddenly the first bell rang, signaling for students to make their way to their assigned locations.

"I'd better get myself a glass of water before we get started," Chakotay said. Then he took a few steps around the girls and picked up Bridgette's fallen PADD. "You might want this."

"Thank you, Sir!" Bridgette responded. Chakotay nodded and smiled before turning towards the main building.

Bridgette and Stephanie quickly filed in with the other students, trying to find seats as close to the front of the building as they could. They sat down and took their bags off of their backs, setting them down in the small walkway between their row and the row in front of them.

"I can't believe we just met Captain Chakotay! In _person_," Bridgette said, unable to control her wide smile.

"As if you haven't met him before," Stephanie said, pulling her PADD out of her bag. "I'm sure your mother invites him to lunch all the time!"

"As if," Bridgette said sarcastically. "She doesn't talk to anyone from _Voyager_ anymore. Well, except The Doctor."

"You're _so_ lucky!"

"Whatever," she said, jabbing her friend in the arm. "Luck has nothing to do with it."

()()()()()()()()()()

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello! Aha, this is my first story on here. I don't have a beta reader, so if you find any mistakes, just let me know! Or if you'd like to volunteer, that would be wonderful, too! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it was rather short. The next one should be up soon. Ish.**_

_**-BBM**_


	2. Set in Motion

Bridgette and Stephanie stood in line, waiting patiently to be able to talk with Captain Chakotay once more. Apparently, he had volunteered to stay and help register the information of those who hoped to one day become budding young cadets.

"This is so exciting! Do you think your mom could get us into some cool Academy events!?" Stephanie asked, practically jumping for joy.

"Like what? Star Fleet Academy bowling night?" Bridgette teased. Stephanie hit Bridgette with her elbow. "I don't know! She can probably give us a tour of the campus or something."

"Oh my God, that would be so awesome!"

Bridgette rolled her eyes playfully, laughed and shook her head. She looked around at the other students waiting to register. There were so many lines of people filled with all sorts of various humans and humanoids and even non-humanoids. Bridgette loved it. She loved that idea that so many people who could look and be so different were ninety-nine percent genetically the same. It absolutely amazed her.

Of course, throughout history classes, Bridgette had learned about the history of Earth and her countries. Vulcan history was the only mandatory non-human history class, but there were many other alien histories offered. However, Bridgette had enjoyed United States history the most. Learning about the very racist past of the United States seemed completely strange. Racism was an idea very foreign to her – never had she heard of something as trivial and, well… degrading. She had often thought that if people back then could see all the beautiful alien races on Earth now, they would have been completely shocked and probably disgusted. _Thank God Earth has evolved_, she thought.

"Are you still looking at going into Command?" Stephanie asked, taking another step closer to the table. The lines were going fairly quickly, and Bridgette and Stephanie were just a few people away from being at the front.

"Duh! I'm going to get to captain my own starship! It'll be awesome!"

"Maybe. But Engineering is _way_ cooler! Who cares if you can captain a ship if the ship doesn't _work_?" she teased.

"Oh, boo," Bridgette said, rolling her eyes again.

She knew that her mother had gone into the Science branch of Star Fleet before finding her way into Command. Bridgette could completely relate. She knew that she was a lot like her mother, and where a lot of teenagers would have despised that, Bridgette didn't. Her mother was her role model, her idol. She guessed that growing up without a father figure definitely aided to that. As she grew older, she was always catching wind of women gossiping about who her father was. There were many suspicions, but for the most part, Bridgette didn't need to know. Besides, the few times she had mentioned it to her mother, her mother had seemed very...uncomfortable. Neither of them enjoyed the short conversations that ensued.

She knew that her Dad was a decent man, though. Her mother always spoke highly of him; she never condemned him. It always struck Bridgette as odd. _If he was decent, he should have been there…_

She resumed scanning the crowd. While doing so, she noticed Miral Paris-Torres. Growing up, she had always had classes with Miral. The parents of all the other children had always expected Bridgette and Miral to become good friends, but it just hadn't happened. There wasn't anything _wrong_ with Miral, they just never talked. At all. However, she knew that Miral knew Chakotay well. Even if her mother hadn't kept in contact with the _Voyager_ crew, Miral's parents sure had. She watched as Chakotay walked over to and hugged the girl, probably talking about the last time they had seen each other or something equally average.

_She's so lucky_, Bridgette thought to herself. It was times like this that she wished she _did_ know the _Voyager crew._

"Hey, Bridgette."

At the sound of her name she turned around and noticed Tyler Atlee. She could swear that she felt her heart melt a little. "Oh, hey Tyler," she said, and she smiled at him. She tried to keep her heart from pumping out of her chest, even as she felt Stephanie nudge her arm. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," he said, shrugging his shoulders and smiling back at her. "It's almost summer. We're about to get started up with the season again."

"Oh, yeah, aren't you a drum major this year?" she asked. He was so perfectly tan – probably from all the marching practice. His hair, naturally brown, had slight hints of sun born highlights.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. I get to go to a special camp for it this summer."

"Oh, that's awesome! Congratulations. Are you going to miss marching on the field?"

"Eh. A little. I think it'll be cooler to conduct."

"I know you'll do great," she said. She couldn't manage to get the giddy smile off of her face. Stephanie, who was in front of her, stepped up to the registration table.

"You should come to the games sometime. You know, come and support us."

"Yeah, sure. Definitely."

"Cool."

"Cool."

Bridgette didn't know what else to say. As she opened her mouth, hoping for something smart to come out, she heard her name again.

"It's Bridgette, right?"

She turned around and saw Captain Chakotay standing on the other side of the table. She looked back at Tyler for a second, but he was already gone.

"I, um, yeah! Nice to meet you again!"

"You, too. Are you ready to register?"

"Yes, of course!" she said, smiling brightly. She still felt rather embarrassed about their earlier meeting, but she wasn't going to let _that_ get the best of her. Hopefully.

"Alright, I'll just ask you a few questions and we'll be set."

"Alright!"

"First and last name?"

"Bridgette Janeway."

Chakotay froze. "Janeway?"

"Yes, Sir! Daughter of Kathryn Janeway herself," she said proudly.

"Oh," he said. It took him a beat too long to remember to smile. "I was unaware she had a daughter." He had a million thoughts racing through his mind. How could he not know that Kathryn had a _child_? Through all the talks with B'Elanna and Tom and even Tuvok every now and then – how did he _not_ know?

Bridgette was unsure how to take his statement, but she tried to be positive. "Well you're looking at her!"

"I can see it," he said, and he could, too. It was in her eyes. She may not have had the same bright red hair that Kathryn had, but her eyes were the same stunning shade of grey blue. Her skin was just as white, too. In fact, if not for the dark hair, she probably could have passed as a young Kathryn. "You're a beautiful young woman."

"Thank you," she blushed, looking down shyly.

"Date of birth?" he asked. He was trying to snap out of his shocked state, but it wasn't easy. His mind couldn't seem to get passed it. _Kathryn_ had a _child_.

"June fifteenth, twenty-three seventy-nine."

_Twenty-three seventy-nine…_ he thought. It was the year after _Voyager_ returned home that September. In fact, it was short of a year by just three months.. His eyes widened suddenly. _No. That can't be. She would have told me. I would have known._

"Field of interest?"

_Who knows? She's been extremely secretive ever since we returned. There could have been someone else._ However, the thought of Kathryn being wish someone else so soon after that night… It almost hurt worse than possibly having a child.

"Command," she answered.

"Would you, uh, like to be contacted by the Academy?" He tried once again to snap out of it. Obviously the girl was happy. For all he knew, Kathryn had remarried and the girl was the offspring of her and her husband.

"Of course!"

"What COMM pin number can we reach you through?"

"8675309."

"Alright then. Thank you for coming and registering," he said, smiling. If she was his, she certainly had his hair. And she had some of his height – she was at least a few inches taller than Kathryn.

"Thank you," she answered. Chakotay could see that she was about to walk away, and something inside him couldn't let her do that just yet.

"Oh, wait," he said, pulling a card out of his pocket. "Here's my personal COMM pin. If you or any of your friends have any questions, feel free to ask me."

"Thanks!" she said, accepting it gratefully. Bridgette was excited. She was already trying to come up with a thousand questions to ask him just so that she could talk to him again. Maybe she'd be able to use him to bring her mom out of her shell a bit. Maybe she'd know Chakotay like Miral did.

"Oh, and tell your mom I said hello."

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked this new installment of **__**What She Doesn't Know**__**. I enjoyed writing it. As of now, I am thinking of expanding the chapter. I feel like it is moving too fast. However, it is a fast paced story. I just don't want to leave things out. You know. **_

_**Also, please tell me any grammar mistakes you find. Or offer to be my beta. Whatever you wish. Any comments will be appreciated. Thanks!**_

_**~After looking it over, I definitely changed this chapter a lot. It really isn't any longer, just different. :P Also! I have good reasons for why I'm making things a bit strange. But part of the fun is figuring it out as you go along, so… (:**_

_**-BBM**_


	3. Mild Confrontation

Kathryn Janeway set the PADD down and pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. There was so much _stuff_ to go through. It was times like this that she wished that she worked at the main office instead of from her home. At least she could have an assistant or two if she worked at the main office.

_No need, Kathryn_, she thought to herself. She shook her head and stood up from her desk. She _did_ like having her office decorated as she wished. After seven long years of living with the boring greys and bland blues of Star Fleet, she was glad to finally have a good bit of color in her life. She even had a garden out front and several plants throughout the house. She was grateful that Chakotay had helped her to develop a green thumb.

Chakotay…

Kathryn shook her head again. It wasn't the proper time to be thinking about Chakotay. Then again, if she could help it, she tried not the think about him at all. "Coffee, black," she said to the replicator. She watched as the little molecules beamed into place, forming her absolute favorite drink. "Mmm…"

It was hard not to think about him, though. It had been hard to keep herself out of the spotlight, especially after _Voyager_ had returned home. But after several months of keeping to herself and not releasing any information about _anything_, the public had become very disinterested very quickly. At least it had given her time to have Bridgette fairly privately.

She wondered what Chakotay thought of her having a daughter. She wondered if there was some part of him that _knew_ that she was his. However, if the crew – Tom and B'Elanna and Tuvok and the few other members of the crew who knew – kept their promise, the only way for him to hear about it would be by total coincidence. And even then, he wouldn't know how old she was or anything about her.

If he did know, though... Well, he probably would have tried to talk to her. No, he _definitely_ would have tried to talk to her. Chakotay wasn't the kind of man to abandon children - especially not _his_ children.

_Shake it off, Kathryn_. It just wasn't easy to, though. He had been coming to her mind a lot lately. She almost felt as if it was some sort of sign.

"Mom, I'm home!"

"Hello, dear," Kathryn said, walking out of the kitchen and towards that front door. "How was school today?"

"It was _awesome_! Oh my goodness, I have to tell you about it!" Bridgette said excitedly. She walked towards her mother, who was walking back into the kitchen. Bridgette set her bag down by the doorway and went over to the replicator. "Glass of orange juice, please. No pulp." The drink soon materialized and Bridgette went and sat down at the table across from her mother.

"Alright, so we had people come in from the _Academy_ today! Can you believe it!? We got to spend all of first period in the lecture hall. I mean, normally, that's more boring than exciting, but this time… Oh my goodness! There were a ton of speakers, too! There were cadets – well, there was one cadet, but he was _cadet of the year_, which is totally what I'm going to be when I go to the Academy – and there were some Ensigns talking about their first assignments on _actual_ ships, and there were lieutenants and commanders and captains and even an _admiral_. Can you believe it!? I kinda sorta not really got to meet an _admiral_. Well, I mean, I know _you're_ an admiral, but this is totally different because I don't really see you as an admiral. You definitely have more of a mom vibe."

"That must have been lovely, dear," Kathryn chuckled. Her daughter was talking a mile a minute, but Kathryn understood every word. Honestly, had been offered to speak at the registration, but she declined after noticing that a few other… select people were on the asking list. It was better to be safe than sorry.

However, on the inside, she was very excited that Bridgette was so interested in the Academy. Star Fleet had brought her nothing but wonders. Even _Voyager_ with all of her twists and turns had been a beautiful experience… looking back on it.

"It _was_ really cool! I'm really hoping that they actually contact us. I mean, I'm sure they go to a bunch of different schools have a bunch of different kids register – I mean, who wouldn't want to be in Star Fleet?! But still. I'm still top of my class, too! Granted, I'm only a freshman, but if I worked hard enough, I could be at the top when I graduate! So maybe they will contact us. Well, me. Hopefully me."

"They will, dear," Kathryn said. "All in good time." She knew that the Academy would be in contact with Bridgette – after all, she was the daughter of the esteemed Kathryn Janeway. If Tom Paris could get into the Academy because of Owen, Bridgette _definitely_ could. Not to mention that Bridgette had a much better academic standing than Tom had had.

"Oh, and you'll _never_ believe this, Mom – Captain Chakotay was there!"

Kathryn froze. Chakotay? Bridgette had seen Chakotay? _Don't be surprised, Kathryn. He was on the list. _ Well, yes, but she hadn't expected him to actually _go._ _But maybe he didn't see her. It was probably just a lecture. They probably didn't talk._

"When we got to apply for registration, he did mine! Plus, he gave me his _personal_ pin in case I had any questions," Bridgette said excitedly, pulling the business card from her pocket. "Do you not see how _awesome_ I am, Mom!? This could be a _huge_ advantage! If I do this _just_ right, I could get a recommendation from him for the Academy! Well, I mean, I would get a recommendation from you, but you're my mom and that's just not fair. But he's well-known! And he's interested in having _me_ go to the Academy!" She squealed with delight.

"Wow," Kathryn said. She tried to keep her face as warm as possible, but she felt very nervous on the inside. "That's wonderful, dear. Are you going to contact him?" So they had met. _Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he just knows she's mine – he doesn't have to know that she's… his… too._

"Sooner or later. I mean, he said to if I had any questions, so I need to think up a lot of good ones. I mean, if they're _dumb_ questions then I'll just look like an idiot. I also need a reason for not asking you, just in case."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "I can be on a business retreat whenever you like."

Bridgette smiled and stood up. "Thanks, Mom," she said, going over to hug her mother. "You're the _best_."

Kathryn smiled as hugged her daughter. After letting her go, she took a step back and had a nice long look at the young woman in front of her. She was growing up, and Kathryn knew it. Kathryn as grateful that Bridgette was still a child, though. Even so, she looked much more like a young adult than a child. She was starting to become taller than Kathryn was. Her face was becoming much less childlike. Her attitude, while seemingly fun, was very motivated for bigger things. All in all, Bridgette reminded Kathryn of herself. "Don't you have some homework to jump on? Certainly some finals to be studying for, young lady," Kathryn said knowingly.

"I know, I know…" Bridgette said, mocking a pouting face. "But that's no fun."

"Whoever said school was fun?"

"You."

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. "Get to work," she said. "If you get done soon enough tonight, we might go and walk around a bit. How does that sound?"

"Sounds wonderful," Bridgette said, walking by her mother. "Call me down for dinner?"

"Of course," Kathryn said, nodding. She watched as Bridgette grabbed her bag and headed out of the room. She had been studying very hard for the upcoming finals, and Kathryn knew that it was going to pay off.

Kathryn smiled to herself. She certainly felt blessed to have Bridgette. The young girl was the light of her life. Kathryn could remember her lonely years on _Voyager_. Back then, she had wondered if she would ever have time to settle down and start a family. While this may not have been what she had in mind, Kathryn certainly felt that her family was nothing short of perfect.

Looking back down at the table, Kathryn realized that Bridgette had left the business card behind. _Well, maybe one thing short… _She walked over and picked it up.

_Captain Chakotay_

_Head of Archeological Studies at Star Fleet Academy_

_COMM: 9035768_

She smiled. In her mind, she pictured his face. Of course, last time she had seen him in person had been over a decade ago. Every now and then, she had watched a television report featuring him discussing a new archeological find. He always seemed to look the same, though.

She carried the card into her study, turning it over in her hands as she did. She knew it was just a piece of paper – she wasn't going to get anything out of feeling it. However, she did prefer having something to fiddle with in times like this. Ever since the day she discovered she was pregnant, she had known that days like this were going to come. They had always seemed so far off, though. They had always seemed so… distant; unreal.

_Should I call him? _

Before she had enough time to think about it, her COMM system rang. She placed the card down and walked over to it.

"Yes? Hello?" she answered, turning the screen on.

Almost as if expected, Chakotay's face popped up on the other end of the monitor. He was a little older than she had remembered. His hair was starting to grey, but then again, so was hers. He had a few more wrinkles, but he was still the same man she had always known. "Kathryn," he said, and it was almost as if the breath had been knocked out of him. Even if she was a good bit older, she was still just as stunning as ever. "It's been a while."

"It most certainly has," she said, sitting down in front of the COMM. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. _God, she looks so much like him…_ Bridgette had the same soft dark hair. She had the same sweet dimples and the same million watt smile. "How have you been?"

"I've been well. Time has certainly treated you nicely," he said. Kathryn felt a blush rising to her cheeks. _Cut it out, Kathryn. This isn't the time for sweet talk._

"That's kind of you to say." She felt conflicted. Half of her wished to slip into an icy interior and conduct business as usual. The other half, however, couldn't seem to see Chakotay as anything but a long lost friend… and lover.

"It's true," he said, trying to clear his head. "You look wonderful."

There was a moment of silence between the two of them. Neither of them was sure what to say or where to go with the conversation.

"I met Bridgette today."

She had known it was coming. Still, though, part of her had hoped that she wouldn't have to have that conversation. Part of her had hoped that she wouldn't have to explain herself.

"She told me."

"She's a very well-rounded girl. She seems very smart and motivated. A lot like you."

"Like mother, like daughter."

There was another awkward pause. Kathryn knew he wanted to ask – she knew that he _desperately_ wanted to ask. She just wasn't so sure what she wanted to tell him.

"I didn't know you had a daughter."

"I wasn't keeping it a secret," she answered, a lie. Or at least it was relatively a lie. She _wasn't_ trying to keep Bridgette a secret… from most people.

"Is she mine?" he asked. His face was blank but so full of hints of emotions – fear, sorrow, hope, betrayal. Kathryn didn't know what to say. She hadn't told him for a _reason_. But when he was right in front of her, asking her something so… so directly? So personally? Kathryn didn't know what it was, but it made it hard to try and tell him _no_. She wasn't sure if she could.

With a final, unsure decision, she said…

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I know. The dreaded cliff hanger. Mwahaha. If anyone's been bothering to read these, I'm still looking for a beta and I'd still appreciate any grammatical errors being pointed out. I hope you liked the latest installment! **_

_**-BBM**_


	4. The Other Beginning

_For as grand as the hotel was, the party was certainly dull. Sure, it was filled with people Kathryn knew and loved. She was more than happy that they were home. She was delighted that Star Fleet had offered to throw a gala for her crew members and their families. Everybody looked absolutely divine. She knew that everybody was happy to have their loved ones back, but she got the feeling that many of them were blaming her for them having been gone in the first place. She had received several dirty looks from people she didn't know. At first, she had tried to shake it off. She knew she had done the right thing. However, she knew that they were right, too. She had taken so many people away from their families – only a fraction of which had returned. _

_She needed a break. She needed to get away from everybody for just a little bit. So while people were dancing to the music and eating the gourmet food and laughing with their friends, Kathryn grabbed a handful of her dress to keep the hem off of the ground and carefully made her way up the stairs of the elaborate hotel. She wasn't sure where she was going, but anywhere was better than in the main lobby._

_She climbed several floors of stairs until she found the roof of the building. She gently pushed the door open and walked onto the concrete roof. The heels of her shoe clicked lightly. She could still hear the music, although it was now very faded. She shut the door behind her and took a deep breath of fresh air. _

"_Kathryn?"_

_She spun around upon hearing her name. Behind her was Chakotay, clothed in a dashing tuxedo. The tie was undone and hanging loosely around his neck. The first few buttons of his dress shirt were undone, and Kathryn couldn't help but stare at the few visible inches of his smooth, toned chest._

"_What are you doing up here?"_

_His voice snapped her out of her fantasy and she blushed, slightly embarrassed. "I needed to get away for a moment," she said in a soft voice. She looked up at the stars and clutched her shawl tightly around her arms. It was chilly outside. She looked back at Chakotay. "How about you?"_

"_Same," he said. He walked closer to Kathryn and started taking off his jacket as he did so. "Here, you should wear this. It's cold."_

"_Oh, no, I'm fine," she said. But even as she said it, Chakotay could see her starting to shiver._

"_Humor me." He took another step closer and motioned for Kathryn to turn around. She did, and he slowly removed her shawl from over her shoulders, gliding it smoothly down her arms. As her lovely porcelain skin became visible, Chakotay couldn't help but stare. She was so beautiful, especially in the moonlight. She looked just like an angel in her white, flowing dress. _

_Chakotay rested the shawl on a vent that was poking out of the roof. He took off his coat and gently placed it over her shoulders. His hand brushed against the side of her neck, and Kathryn shivered a bit and arched back slightly. His hands were very warm._

_She turned back around and pulled the coat around her a little tighter. It was definitely warmer, and even better, it smelled of Chakotay. "Thank you," she said softly._

"_No problem."_

"_No, I mean… for everything. Thank you for everything, Chakotay," she said, looking up into his eyes. They were so lovely and inviting – it was nearly impossible for her not to get lost in them. "You've… you've helped me so much in the past seven years. I… just can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me."_

"_You don't need to thank me, Kathryn," he said. "I promised you… I'd do anything to make your burden lighter."_

_She smiled softly at him. "Still," she said. "You've been such a wonderful first officer, Chakotay. And… a wonderful friend, too. I don't think I could have survived out there without you."_

"_You would have found a way," he teased. He reached forward to cup her cheek, but she turned her head away. "Hey," he said, trying again. When his hand touched her cheek, he felt as if little fireworks were bursting beneath his skin. He turned her head back to look at him. "I said I would do anything for you, Kathryn. I just want you to know that I still will."_

"_I… I know…" she whispered. Her heart felt weak. It was as if she was breaking from the inside out. "But there are some things you can't do." _

"_Oh really?" he asked. He took a step closer. Their bodies weren't touching, but they were close enough to feel the heat radiating off of one another. "Why not?"_

_With that, he pulled Kathryn into a kiss. There were so many thoughts buzzing through his mind, but every single one of them revolved around kissing Kathryn. He did it – he finally had the courage to kiss the beautiful Kathryn Janeway. Her lips were so soft and smooth – they were small, too, just like her. For a moment, he was afraid that she would pull away. He was afraid that she would retreat. However, that feeling was settled when he felt a slight movement in her lips – a slight feeling that let him know that she was kissing him back. _

_The coat fell off of Kathryn's shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her as close to him as possible. Her arms found themselves around his neck, one of her hands running through his hair. Kathryn arched into him, wanting to feel as close to him as possible. _

_When their lips separated, they pressed their foreheads together. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he whispered, his eyes still closed._

"_Me, too."_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, this is in the past. I figure this is a fun way to get more of a "first-hand" account of what happened. I mean, it'll be brought up throughout the story, but… Still. Also, continue to correct my grammar and if anyone wants to be my beta…**_

_**Also, Guest - I did notice that flaw in the first chapter and I fixed it! Thank you! Also, you speak English very well for someone it is not native to - I've heard it's a difficult language to learn. I am currently learning Spanish and am very unsure of myself, but you are doing well!**_

_**-BBM**_


	5. Slightly Less Mild Confrontation

For Chakotay, it felt as if a thousand years had passed. _Is she mine?_ Ever since he had left the school, the question had been running through his mind over and over. _I might have a daughter..._ Thoughts smashed through his brain like a wrecking ball. However, he decided that it was best that he wait until he knew for sure before forming an opinion. For all he knew, Bridgette _wasn't_ his daughter. If that was the case, he didn't _have_ a say. Sure, he could be peeved at Kathryn for not telling him, but other than that... It wasn't any of his concern.

There was a part of him, though, that just _felt_ a connection between Bridgette and Kathryn and himself. _You were in love with her, Chakotay. _He knew some of those feelings were still in him. He hadn't seen Kathryn for the past fifteen years, though. If he still felt _anything_ for her, it was nothing but a fraction of what he had once felt.

A small fraction.

"Is she my child, Kathryn?"

Kathryn took a deep breath. For the past fifteen years, she had known this moment would come. She had her reasons for what she did. They were good reasons; they were the _right _reasons. She was just afraid he wouldn't see it that way. She looked up at her monitor and stared him right in the eyes.

"Yes, Chakotay. She is."

Neither of them backed down their stare. Kathryn's once beautiful grey blue eyes suddenly seemed ice cold. This woman... This _woman_... Chakotay couldn't figure it out. There was something inside of him, some little bubble of anger and betrayal and... and... _hatred._ Chakotay had never felt this way before - the closest he had ever come was when Seska had faked having his child. But this was different - this was _very_ different.

Because this was _Kathryn_. This was a woman he had fallen head over heels for - a woman for whom he once would have sold his soul.

He didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, but words wouldn't come out. There was just this silence between them that was filled with tension and aggression and everything they hadn't said in the last several years.

"I... I... _How _could you not tell me?" There was another brief pause. "What gives _you_ the right to keep this from me? What gives you the right to raise _MY_ _DAUGHTER_ without me?!"

"Chakotay, please, I -"

"No, Kathryn! There isn't an _excuse_ for this. There isn't _anything_ you can say to justify this!"

"Chakotay, _please_." She waited a moment, seeing if he would rebuttal again, but he didn't. "I think we should have this conversation in person."

"Oh, why? To give you time to pack up _my_ daughter and fly off to somewhere where you can avoid this? Avoid _me_? I don't think so, Kathryn."

"Listen to me, Chakotay. My daughter - _our_ daughter - is in her room right now. I do _not_ want her overhearing this conversation. If you _really_ want to do what's best for her, you'll feel the same."

He tightened his jaw, but he didn't say anything.

"Are you free tomorrow? At noon?"

"I can be."

"We need some place private. It's too likely we'd be overheard at a restaurant. Can we talk at your home?"

"I'll send you the coordinates."

"Thank you." There was another brief pause. Kathryn wasn't sure how to end the conversation, but _God_ she wanted to end it. "Chakotay... For what it's worth, I'm... I'm sorry."

"You word isn't worth much anymore, Kathryn."

With that, the screen turned black. Kathryn continued staring at it for a few moments before pushing herself away. She needed something to do. There was something welling up from the pit of her stomach, something that felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside out.

She quickly walked from her study to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She gripped onto the edge of the sink so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She stared at herself in the mirror, burning the image of her reflection into her mind. She locked her jaw and swallowed hard, taking deep breaths in through her nose. She couldn't tell if she was going to cry or vomit, but if she could help it, neither was happening.

_Calm down, Kathryn. What the hell is the matter with you? You've been through hundreds of situations worse than this. Get over it. _

She kept her lips pressed tightly together. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. _You're on Voyager. You're the Captain. You don't cry. You don't dare cry. You don't need to - you're stronger than this. They need you to be stronger than this. _

In a one quick move, Kathryn fell to her knees and gripped onto the toilet set, emptying whatever had been in her stomach. Her gag reflex continuously made her stomach jump, and eventually she was just heaving up air.

She tried to calm herself with deep breaths. After a few minutes, Kathryn was breathing normally again, with the exception of a mild case of hiccups. She stood back up, flushed the toilet and went back over to the sink. She gargled some water and brushed her teeth before exiting the bathroom.

()()()()()()()()()()

Chakotay stared at the monitor for a full five minutes after he had disconnected his call with Kathryn. His hands were balled up tightly into fists and his entire body felt tense. Suddenly he stood up and shoved his chair back into the wall. He yanked open the top drawer of his desk, nearly ripping it out of its hinges. He dug through folders and papers, throwing whatever was in his way on the ground.

Eventually, he found it. It was the sole picture he had of him and Kathryn. It had been taken right after they had returned home. The photographer had posed them so that his arm had been around her. It was supposed to have represented unity - an unstoppable team, a force to reckon with.

So much for that.

He ripped the picture in half, tearing a line between Kathryn and himself almost perfectly. He put one piece on top of the other and ripped them again. And again. And again.

He shredded the picture until he couldn't possibly tear it into smaller pieces. Then he made his way to the window, opened it, and let the pieces that once represented one of the happiest days of his life fly off into oblivion.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter was typed on the iPad, and when I put it on my computer, Microsoft pointed out a lot of errors. I think I fixed them all. Maybe. Point out whatever you find! I'm hoping this chapter is just as enjoyable as the rest, though!**_

_**-BBM**_


	6. Wrapped Around Her Finger

"Bridgette! It's time for dinner," Kathryn called, setting the last of the meal down on the table. It was the first harvest from her garden this year – along with some replicated delicacies Kathryn couldn't prepare herself in her wildest dreams. She had steamed the vegetables, though. Several years ago, it had taken Kathryn almost an hour to figure out how to make, but now it was as easy as mapping the stars.

"I'll be down in a minute! I've got _one_ more problem to do and then I'll be done!"

"Take your time, dear."

After her earlier episode in the restroom, Kathryn was starving. The wonderful smell of dinner was seeping into her olfactory glands and driving her crazy. She sat down at the table and placed a napkin on her lap.

Her mind drifted back to her earlier conversation with Chakotay. _No, Kathryn. Keep it out of your head. You don't want Bridgette to notice anything different_. It took every ounce of mental strength she had to keep Chakotay out of her mind, but she managed to push him off. At least for a little bit.

"Alright," Bridgette said, walking into the kitchen. She had changed from her school clothes into a plain black tank top and a cozy pair of grey sweatpants. Her hair was pulled into mushroom bun, but there were still a few stray pieces framing her face that she would pull back behind her ears at random intervals. "I'm done with my homework!"

"Have you studied?" Kathryn asked, glad to finally be able to pick up her fork.

"Sort of. I mean, my biology final is the first one I have to take, so I've really been working on that one. But I studied a little bit for everything else." Bridgette sat down in the chair across from Kathryn and also folded a napkin onto her lap.

"Do you feel good about it?"

"Um… I guess so," she said, digging her fork into the pile of mashed potatoes on her plate. "This looks really good, Mom. Did you make it?"

"The vegetable are from the garden."

"So the rest is safe to eat?"

Kathryn smiled and shook her head while Bridgette laughed. The rest of their meal was eaten in a comfortable silence with a few bits and pieces of conversation here and there. Kathryn didn't mind it being quiet at dinner – she didn't feel up to talking.

After dinner, Bridgette grabbed a light jacket and a pair of sandals, and the two of them headed outside. It was cool outside, but not cold. Kathryn locked the house behind them and the two headed down the driveway. They lived in a nice neighborhood – the kind where people would wave as they passed by each other or watch one another's pets as people took vacations.

Kathryn remembered when she was looking for a house. She remembered looking at her house – along with many others – when she was trying to find a good, safe place to raise her daughter. She loved her house – it wasn't too large or extravagant, but it had space. It was cozy without being cluttered.

The two of them walked down the street in silence at first. Kathryn was the one who felt the need to break it.

"Bridgette?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

Neither of them turned towards each other, but that wasn't unusual. In fact, Kathryn felt that not looking her daughter in the eyes made it easy to talk about the matters ahead.

"Earlier today, I was… Well, I was just thinking. We don't really talk about your father a lot. Is there anything you'd like to know about him?"

Bridgette felt a bit mentally frozen, but she kept walking alongside Kathryn. She wasn't sure what to say. Her mother had never been the first one to bring him up, at least not as far as Bridgette could remember. "I… I don't know," she said, trying to carefully choose her words. She didn't want to upset her mother. "I mean, sure, there are things I'd like to know about him. I'd like to know what he looks like and sounds like and what he does for a living… But I mean, I've just got to think. If he didn't care enough to stay around and learn about me, why should I want to know anything about him? I just… I kind of feel like… Well, like he doesn't _deserve_ my interest, you know?"

There was a beat of silence.

"It wasn't like that, you know," Kathryn said softly. "Your father cares about you. Don't think that he doesn't. Circumstances have just been… difficult."

"I don't understand, Mom," she said, and she stopped walking. Kathryn stopped, too, and turned to look at her daughter. Bridgette looked off to the side. She could feel tears coming to her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. "I can't… I can't think of anything that would make him miss my _entire life_."

_Me._ The word appeared in Kathryn's head so suddenly that it almost burst out of her mouth. Instead, she chose to say, "Trust me, baby, there's a reason. I just… I just need you to trust me."

"I do, Mom. Why wouldn't I?"

_For so many reasons…_

"I just mean that there _is_ something going on. There _is_ a reason. And I can't tell you what it is right now, but I might be able to someday. I don't want you to think of him as a bad person," she said, smiling sadly. "I can say with absolute truth that your father is the most wonderful man I have ever met. I promise that if he could be here with you, he would be."

Bridgette wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Ok."

Kathryn pulled her daughter into a hug. Bridgette buried her face into her mom's shoulder and let out a long stream of tears. Kathryn stood silently, rubbing Bridgette's back and loathing herself.

_How could you do this to her? You're a monster._

And then...

_I did what had to be done._

But it was becoming harder and harder for her to believe that.

()()()()()()()()()()

It had taken Chakotay nearly an hour to convince Admiral Brock to let him see Bridgette's file. He knew that the lives of all Star Fleet officers and their families were fairly well documented in case of emergencies. He knew that whatever he would find wasn't going to tell him her favorite color or what toys she played with as a baby. But even if it was a professional file, at least it was _something_.

He couldn't believe he had the patience to wait until he got home before accessing it. He was hoping it would be lengthy and filled with all sorts of information about his little girl. He was prepared to spend all night reading it if he had to.

He grabbed a sandwich before sitting down in front of his monitor. He stared at her name for a few moments. _Bridgette S. Janeway_. He wondered what the S stood for. He wondered why Kathryn had chosen the name Bridgette. _Probably after her Irish roots_… he figured. He thought it was a lovely name – then again, if Kathryn had named her _Potato_ he probably would have thought it was beautiful.

There was something in him, though, that made it hard for him to open her file. He wanted to see it – he really did. But he felt as if clicking it would… well, as if it would _start_ something. He wanted to be a part of Bridgette's life. He really did. But he knew he couldn't do it without Kathryn's help. He couldn't just walk up to the girl and say, "Hello, do you remember me? Well as it turns out, I'm your dad!" He had no idea what Kathryn had told Bridgette about him. For all he knew, his own daughter might have thought he was _dead_.

He didn't want to open the file only to discover that it was best he stay out of her life. He didn't want to become attached only to realize he would never be able to talk to her. As much as he despised Kathryn, he didn't want Bridgette to turn against her. Kathryn was the only parent she had, and as much as Chakotay wanted to change that, the only thing he wouldn't do was break them apart.

He opened the file.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to say that, as an adopted child, I used my inner emotions to tap into Bridgette's head. A lot of people outside of the "awkward parental situations" loop feel that children in awkward parental situations would feel a lot differently than they do. I'm not saying that other people don't feel others ways, I'm just saying that Bridgette's reaction is essentially my own, and therefore I find it very… poignant? Truthful? Realistic?**_

_**Guest: My mother's native tongue is German! However, she's lived in the USA for so long that she no longer remembers much of it!**_

_**Also. I think I have a writing addiction. In fanfiction speed, these are being updated at the speed of light! Hope you all enjoy! And as usual, point out all my mistakes! **_

_**-BBM**_


	7. An Even Less Mild Confrontation

Kathryn was nervous. She hadn't been able to sleep that night, nor had she been able to eat that morning. She had walked with Bridgette to the transport station for the first time in a while, though. She didn't know what she was going to say to Chakotay. However, what she was going to tell Bridgette was far more concerning to her.

_You know you did the right thing, Kathryn._

That didn't mean Bridgette would understand. That didn't mean Chakotay would understand. She knew he had every right to be angry with her. But the right road was often the most difficult one to take – all she could do was explain herself and hope that one day he might forgive her.

At eleven, Kathryn was deciding what to wear. She wanted something with a slightly formal touch to it. Not as formal as her uniform, but more sophisticated than her casual clothes. After searching for a few minutes, she eventually found a nice white blouse and a pair of black slacks. She was glad she had done her nails a few days ago – simple French tips. She slid on a pair of black shoes with a small heel. When she noticed that she still had half an hour to wait, she decided to put on a little bit of make-up. She wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to look so nice. Of course, part of it played into the fact that she hadn't seen him in so long.

_You're on your own, Kathryn. He's not going to be on your side. Bridgette certainly isn't going to be on your side. But that's alright. They'll be alright. They'll understand._

It was all she could do to feed herself that little piece of hope.

At ten-till, she walked to the transport station. It was a short walk, only taking three minutes or so. She smiled at the attendant as if nothing was wrong and showed him her I.D. He smiled politely back at her and punched in the coordinates she had given him.

Just a few seconds later, Kathryn was standing outside of a house she had only seen once before. It was a beautiful house, really, and in a beautiful location. It was surrounded by trees that were just beginning to lose their leaves for the winter. Kathryn vaguely remembered a creek running through the backyard.

She looked up at the door and set her jaw. _This is it, Kathryn. This is the moment of truth_. She carefully began ascending the stairs. She held onto the banister the entire way up – it was essentially the only thing keeping her standing. Once she was in front of the door, she took a good look at herself through the glass screen. She tugged on her hair a bit and undid another button of her blouse. She took a few deep breaths and then finally built up the nerve to ring the doorbell.

She heard a simple ring echo throughout the house, only to be joined by a dog barking just a few seconds later. Kathryn was momentarily surprised – she didn't know Chakotay had a dog. Then again, he _did_ seem like a dog person.

Her breath was caught in the back of her throat. Through the window next to the door, she could see the little dog move its way around the curtain, still barking eagerly. It looked sort of like a mix between a Boston terrier and something else – Kathryn wasn't sure what.

A moment later, she heard the door being unlocked and turned her attention back towards it. She was nervous, almost jittery. She had to fight to keep herself still.

When the door pulled open, she looked up a little more only to make eye contact with Chakotay. She felt as if she couldn't breathe. It had been so long since she had _really_ seen him…

He was stunning. There were so many words to describe him, but stunning had to be at the top of the list. He had to be fifty-something, but he still looked well in shape. His muscles were obviously well-toned, and even his wrinkles didn't give away the appearance of age – they gave him more of a mature, older gentlemen sort of vibe.

"Kathryn," he said coldly. In all honestly, Chakotay hadn't intended to say her name as harshly as he had. The first few seconds of seeing her had completely erased any trace of anger in him. Her hair was much longer now – as long as it had been when _Voyager_ had first taken off. It reminded him of New Earth – of the first time he had ever _really_ seen Kathryn. It was stunning. However, the feeling had quickly faded, and he was reminded of why she was standing on his front porch in the first place.

Spirits, he absolutely hated how this woman had such an effect on him.

"Hello, Chakotay."

There was a strong pause as the two continued to stare at each other. They were stuck staring into each other's eyes, both of them thinking entirely different things.

_I miss him._

_I wonder how many lies she's told._

She cleared her throat. "May I come in?"

He nodded and pushed the glass door open further. Kathryn grabbed the handle and walked into the house. Chakotay shut both of the doors behind her. Suddenly the dog, who had momentarily found something else that interested it, came running back into the room.

"What's its name?" Kathryn asked, squatting down to pet it. The dog looked at her quizzically for a moment before deciding she was safe. Kathryn began scratching it behind its ears.

"Her name is Daphne," he said. "I didn't pick the name. She was a rescue dog."

"It's a pretty name, though. It seemed you've taken good care of her."

Kathryn felt as if their conversation was thick and forced. That was alright, though. As long as she could keep _some_ conversation going with him, she felt as if things would work out easier. She stood up and looked at Chakotay again. "Where should we talk?"

He didn't answer her. He simply turned around, and Kathryn guessed she was expected to follow. Daphne trailed behind as well.

Kathryn followed him down a short hallway that was decorated with a few pictures and paintings. Most of the pictures were of Daphne and _Voyager_'s crew. Kathryn could only guess that Chakotay had kept in contact with most of them.

She also noticed that she wasn't in any of the pictures.

Chakotay led her into what appeared to be a living room. There was an old fashioned fire place on one end – an idea given to him by none other than Tom Paris. There was also an old fashioned television against the adjacent wall. Kathryn had only seen televisions in Tom's holodeck programs, but she had found them enjoyable enough. Chakotay took a seat on the couch and looked back up at Kathryn. "Here seems good."

She swallowed a huge lump in her throat and nodded. She sat down on the opposite end of the couch, and Daphne plopped herself onto the footrest near Chakotay.

"Where would you like to start?"

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I bet you guys are excited, huh? Finally getting to figure out what happens! ...or will you? (;**_

_**Also, given the fact I have neglected my many summer assignments, updates will probably slow down. I'm predicting for there to be at least one a day (as writing is what I will do when I get bored of my work... which will probably happen often). Hopefully I can still maintain a fast enough pace you all of you hungry readers!**_

_**As per usual, correct my errors... **_

_**-BBM**_


	8. The Morning After the Other Beginning

_When Kathryn awoke, she was no longer on the roof of the hotel. She was lying in a bed in a room she didn't recognize. Immediately, she sat up. She soon realized that she was completely naked – the sheets and blanket had been the only thing covering her form. She quickly pulled them back up over her breasts. "Where am I…?" she muttered to herself._

_Then she remembered what had happened that night. She remembered the gala and the music and the people. She remembered making her way up to the hotel roof and finding Chakotay. She remembered him unzipping her dress and kissing her clavicle.. She suddenly became very flushed as much more intimate memories rushed to her mind. _

_However, that still didn't tell her where she was. _

_The room was obviously a master bedroom. The walls were painted somewhat of a golden color and the rest of the bedroom was decorated in neutral reds, browns, oranges, yellows… It reminded Kathryn of autumn. _

_Not seeing anyone, Kathryn slowly slipped out of the bed, still holding the sheets up to her naked form. She tiptoed over to the dresser and opened the middle drawer. It was full of folded dress shirts. Kathryn grabbed one off of the top and silently closed the drawer. She opened two more drawers before she found one with boxers in them. Again, she grabbed the top pair and closed the drawer. Holding the sheet to her body between her chin and chest, she quickly slid the boxers on. She looked around again and then dropped the sheets and quickly slid her her arms through the shirt sleeves. _

_As she was in the middle of buttoning up the shirt, there was a soft knock on the door. Kathryn immediately froze and looked up, only to see Chakotay standing in the doorway. _

"_Glad to see you're awake," he said, throwing a smile her way. "And stealing my clothes." _

_He wasn't wearing a shirt – just a pair of sleeping pants. Kathryn's eyes were locked onto his torso. He was so muscular… Of course, she had always known that on Voyager, but after a night of finally being able to run her hands over those muscles… It just made them harder to resist. _

"_I wasn't stealing anything," she retorted, and she resumed buttoning the shirt up._

"_You don't have to do that," he said, walking into the room. He walked over to Kathryn, until he was standing right in front of her. He wrapped one arm around her and pulled her closer to him. "I think you look absolutely divine."_

_Kathryn's breath caught in her throat. She didn't know what to say. It had been quite a while since she had had any romance in her life. It had been so long since anyone had talked that way with her - Kathryn had almost forgotten the art of sexual banter. "Well, Commander," she purred, playfully using his rank. "I think you look quite divine yourself." _

_In one swift movement, Chakotay picked up Kathryn and threw her on the bed. She bounced lightly and her gorgeous red hair spread out around her face. Chakotay was over her in seconds, pinning her wrists tightly to the mattress. He could feel the heat of her pulse coursing though his fingertips. His lips were on her neck, swiftly trailing their way down between the valley of her breasts. He planted light butterfly kisses and suckled her delicate skin. Kathryn arched up and let out a small moan. _

_Then suddenly they heard something – the sound of a door opening. They both froze. Chakotay slowly turned his head to look up at Kathryn, but she didn't know what to do. Her mouth was slightly agape, at a loss for words._

"_Chakotay? Are you here? I did not see you leave the party last night."_

_Suddenly everything came crashing down._

_It was Seven._

"_Shit," Chakotay cursed under his breath. To his shame, he had completely forgotten about Seven – not once had she crossed his mind since he had last seen her at the gala. Spirits, how could he have forgotten about Seven? "You have to hide," he whispered to Kathryn. _

_Of course, he wasn't in love with Seven. He was madly in love with Kathryn. But he still had an obligation to her. He was still romantically engaged with her. He certainly knew he wasn't the kind of man to go sleeping around, but... But it was Kathryn._

_She opened her mouth to protest, but he didn't give her any time. In the matter of a second, Chakotay hopped off the bed, pulling Kathryn up by her wrist. He opened the closest door to them – the closet – and quickly hurried Kathryn inside._

"_Yes, I'm back here! I'll be out in just a moment!" Then he turned back to Kathryn. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. I'll break it off with her. I will. But I can't do it this way. I can't let her see this." And then he closed the door. _

_Kathryn was left in the closet to process what had just happened. Seven had showed up. Seven and Chakotay were dating - a little tidbit of information that had completely slipped her mind. She felt as awful now as she had when he first told her that he and Seven were an item. Obviously, she hadn't expected Chakotay to wait forever. But she had hoped. Just a little bit. _

_Kathryn slid back against the wall. She wasn't sure if Seven knew about the feelings between her and Chakotay. She was observant, though. She must have noticed something. Kathryn knew Seven certainly wasn't one to do things for no reason. She had probably seen Kathryn's attraction to Chakotay and taken it as "acceptable for dating". _

_Unfortunately, what Seven failed to realize was that she was completely mistaken. _

_But even if that was the case, it was just a mistake. Seven didn't deserve this. Chakotay was her first serious romantic relationship. Who was she to come along and wreck it? It certainly wasn't her place to. It didn't matter if they were back on Earth - it didn't matter if Kathryn wasn't Chakotay's commanding officer anymore. She hadn't said no to herself for so many years just to give in at every little thing he did. _

_Apparently, though, she had, and she was mentally kicking herself for it. _

"_At what time__ did you leave the party?" she heard Seven's monotonous voice ask. "I did not see you leave."_

"_It was fairly early. I wasn't feeling very well."_

"_You appeared to be functioning at normal efficiency."_

"_Well, I wasn't."_

_There was a pause in the conversation. Kathryn held her breath. She was beginning to regret everything that had happened that night. She shouldn't have left the main lobby. She shouldn't have let him give her his jacket. She shouldn't have let him kiss her. She shouldn't have let him take her clothes off and kiss his way down her body... _

_She had to snap out of it. Sex was sex and that was all there was to it. It was natural for it to be very... very... good. It was supposed to feel good. It was all biological. It was the way to continue the species - not that Kathryn would be doing any of that any time soon. She knew her eggs were drying up. Maybe she'd adopt a child..._

_She shook her head. She couldn't stay focused. She needed to stay focused. She needed to wait until Seven was gone and then tell Chakotay that last night was a one time thing - it wasn't going to happen again. _

"_I am sorry. I must have been mistaken. Are you… feeling better?"_

"_I'm still a little under the weather. I was just going to take a day to stay at home and relax."_

"_Would you like for me to join you?"_

"_I wouldn't want you getting sick, too. It's fine. How about I see you tomorrow? Say around one for lunch?"_

"_That would be acceptable." _

"_Tomorrow it is, then." _

_Kathryn heard their footsteps as they made their way back to the door. It just occurred to her that Chakotay must have given Seven a key. When had he had time to find a house? When had he brought her there? He probably teleported, she figured. She heard the door open and then shut. She still held her breath, though. She waited for Chakotay to come back and open the closet. _

_He started talking as soon as he opened the door,_"_Kathryn, I'm so sor-"_

"_No, Chakotay," she said, cutting him off. She looked down at the button up shirt. Half of the buttons were undone, and her breasts were practically falling out. What if Seven had seen her? "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done that. Last night was a mistake." _

_She put her hand on Chakotay's arm and pushed him aside. She started to button up the shirt as she walked out out of his bedroom._

"_Kathryn, please!" he called, chasing after her. He grabbed onto her arm and turned her around. "That is the last thing I want you to think. Last night wasn't a mistake – not in the least. Hell, Kathryn… It was the best night of my life. For once, I got to be with you without rules and regulations. For the first time in my life, I finally got you to let me love you. Don't take that away." He was practically pleading with her. _

_She looked up at him. She wanted to love him; she wanted to be with him. She did. But she couldn't. All she could hear was Seven's voice in her head. All she could imagine was what the poor woman would think when she found out that her boyfriend has slept with her mentor, her mother-figure. She couldn't do that to her. _

"_Chakotay… I… Last night was a mistake," she said again, pulling her arm away from him. "You are dating Seven, and that it that." She turned around and started heading out the door._

"_Kathryn!" he yelled, continuing to follow after her. "You know I'd choose you over her any day."_

"_You should have thought of that before, Chakotay. I am not going to be your mistress."_

_With that, Kathryn called to be transported back to her small apartment near the headquarters. She knew there was a slight chance of him following her home, but she greatly hoped that he wouldn't. She needed time to think. She needed time to work things out._

_Before she could take two steps into her appartment, someone grabbed her from behind and threw her to the ground. Her head smashed against the hard floor and Kathryn cried out. Her mouth was gagged and her wrists and ankles were tied together. A voice whispered in ear, "It's good to finally meet the great Captain Janeway…"_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Mwahaha. You didn't expect that, now did you? Well, you might have. But probably not. So…**_

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and will continue to enjoy the story! Also - point out my mistakes! I didn't have as much time to read over this one... **_

_**Also! I have some good news. One of my summer assignments is a "creative writing" project. I asked my teacher if I could do fan fiction. SHE SAID YES. As of now, I will be working on this other story for about a day. It only needs to be two to five pages, but I have to make it just right. So after this chapter, you might have to wait a day or so for an update. I'll try to be quick! I will post my "creative writing" assignment! **_

_**-BBM**_


	9. Not What You Expected

"Where would you like to start?"

The question hung for a moment. Kathryn felt as if she had tossed a glass ball in the air. It had just reached the peak of its potential energy, and now there was no choice but for it to come crashing down.

"How about at the beginning? After that morning?" he asked, although it was said much more like a statement. His body was mostly facing the wall across from them, but his head was loosely turned towards Kathryn. Even Daphne seemed interested to hear what she had to say. She was staring intently at Kathryn with her little ears perked up. "I tried to contact you," he said. His voice was a bit softer, but it was just as deep and filled with just as much hurt.

Kathryn swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know," she said, looking down at her lap. She had her hands folded gently on her thighs. "Trust me, Chakotay, I know. I just… I couldn't respond. It's not as if I didn't want to – I just… I couldn't."

"I don't understand," he said. He turned his full body towards her. Kathryn could hardly bear to look him in the eyes. "You know that I broke up with Seven that next day, right? At lunch? We agreed – mutually – that being on Earth provided 'too many variables' for us. There was so much she wanted to do and explore. I just wanted you."

Kathryn nodded silently. She wanted to say something about it being the wrong time, about how she hadn't been ready to move forward with their relationship. But if she couldn't force herself to believe it, how could she expect him to? "Even though we haven't talked, I've been keeping an eye on you," she said softly. "Every now and then, I'd look you up. I'd watch one of your archeological reports. I've seen them all."

"You have?"

She nodded. "Yes. It's not as if I don't care, Chakotay. I do. I care a great deal for you, but… But right now, there's something keeping us apart." She swallowed another hard lump in her throat. She felt tears begin to well up behind her eyes. "It's awful and it's terrible and I… I can't tell you what it is."

"What do you mean you can't _tell_ me?" he asked. His voice grew more aggravated. For a second, he wondered why he was mad. Had he expected her to come clean after fifteen years of secrecy? But still. "I though you came here to tell me what the hell happened!"

"I did," she said. She looked back up at him. Her eyes were almost brimmed with tears. Chakotay immediately softened. In all of his years on _Voyager_, he had never seen Kathryn Janeway look so close to crying. Her face looked so full of sorrow; it was hard for Chakotay to be angry at her. "I promise you, Chakotay, if you knew why I couldn't tell you, you would understand. But please, listen. For the love of all that it good… do not try to contact Bridgette."

()()()()()()()()()()

_Flashback _

"_You're still not going to talk, are ya, Captain?" He leaned in close to her. His hair was greasy and dirty. There were several dirt stains on his cheeks and forehead. His eyes were a little too small and sunken into his face just a little too deep. His nose stuck out like a beak, and his small thin lips always seemed to be moving, even when he wasn't talking. _

_She held her chin up defiantly and spit at his face. "I told you. I don't know anything." _

_The man wiped the spit off of his face with his cheap, fingerless glove. "We'll see about that," he said, and he raised his hand up. She felt a sharp stinging across her cheek as the back of his hand made contact. She flinched, but she didn't make a sound. "Why don't you just give me what I want?" He moved very close to her. His face was right in front of hers. The smell of his breath made her nose cringe. _

"_I. Don't. Know. Anything," she growled, punctuating every word. She spat at him once more. He slapped her again. _

"_Frankie!" the guy called, looking at Kathryn with utter disgust. "She ain't talkin'." _

_Then the guy walked away, out of the room. Kathryn felt relieved to be alone – even if it was just for a second. She wasn't sure how long she had been there. They had knocked her unconscious shortly after typing her up the first time. When she had woken up, she had found herself tied to a chair – naked. Her wrists and ankles were rubbed raw from trying to escape the rope binds. _

"_Hey there, pretty lady," said the man Kathryn had come to know as Frankie. He was very tall and somewhat overweight. The top of his head was balding. _

_There was a crowbar in his hand._

"_So I hear you ain't gonna tell us nothing bouts where Chakotay is? Ain't gonna give us a fancy little list of all the peoples he's killed?" _

_Kathryn looked down at the floor. "He didn't do anything wrong." _

_Smack! The crowbar hit her leg with a sickening thud. Kathryn opened her mouth to cry out, but she couldn't make a sound. She tried to move her leg and felt a searing pain roar through it. She fought back tears. She wasn't going to let them see her cry. There was no way in hell she was going to let them see her cry. _

"_We lost lots a good men cuz of him," Frankie said. He paced across the floor. "You're going to tell me he didn't do nothin' wrong?"_

_Kathryn gasped. "Yes."_

_Smack! The crowbar whipped against her other leg. Kathryn felt sick. She felt the as if she was going to throw up, but there wouldn't have been anything left in her stomach. She hadn't eaten in three days. _

"_My brotha died for that son of a bitch!" he yelled. He pushed her chair back, and Kathryn toppled over. Her hands were trapped under her. Her head smashed against the head concrete floor. She felt dizzy. "We'll see ya agains in an hour. Hope you decide to start talking." _

_Kathryn watched as he walked away. Her vision started to fill up with little dots dancing everywhere. She coughed and felt something fly from her mouth. Looking back at the concrete, she saw little drops of blood. She tried to stay awake, but her she quickly blacked out once again._

()()()()()()()()()()

Chakotay was silent for a moment. "So you came here just to tell me not to talk to her?" he asked, looking up at her. _Un – f*cking – believable_. "Why the hell can't I contact her?"

"I…" Kathryn's breath caught in her throat. "I can't _tell_ you." She let out a slow, shaky breath. "Chakotay, you're just going to have to trust me."

"Trust you!?" he yelled, jumping up from the couch. "You're sure as hell not giving me a lot to go off of, Kathryn! I want to know what's going on!"

()()()()()()()()()()

"_Captain? Captain, can you hear me?"_

_Kathryn turned her head. Her eyelids felt heavy. She tried to open her eyes, but her world was still spinning. She blinked a few times, trying to focus her vision._

"_Are you awake, Captain?"_

"_I… Doctor?" she asked. She tried to look at him. His face slowly came into focus. _

"_How are you feeling, Captain?" Kathryn placed her hands on the floor and tried to push herself up. Immediately, though, she felt dizzy again. "Don't try to sit up. Just lie down." _

_She didn't argue. "What are you doing here, Doctor?" She was definitely still in the same room. The chair she had once been tied to was in the corner, broken. The ropes lied spliced in a heap with them. _

"_I'm not sure," he said. He pulled out a medical tricorder. "One minute, I was in my office, and the next, I just appeared here." Kathryn listened to the soft beeping sounds of the tricorder. They were oddly comforting. "Do you remember anything about how you got here, Captain?"_

_Kathryn tried to think. "Not really, no. I had teleported back to my quarters. I vaguely remember being ambushed." The thought for a second. "How long have I been here, Doctor?"_

"_I'm not sure," he said, closing the tricorder. "I've been here with you for about four weeks. You had a concussion when I first arrived. You also had a broken fibula in one leg and a broken tibia in the other. I told them I needed to take you to a hospital immediately, but they said that wasn't an option. They asked me what tools I would need to fix you up. The only tools they could get me required me to keep you sedated for a period of time to make sure that your neural pathways and bone structures would reform correctly." _

_She tried to process what he had just told her. "Four weeks? Wouldn't somebody have noticed us missing, Doctor?" _

"_I thought that at first, too. But please remember, Captain. I am a hologram. It's completely possible for them to have downloaded and copied my program. For all I know, I'm not even the real Doctor. I just have all of his memories." _

"_What about me?"_

"_I have no idea, Captain."_

_Kathryn thought for another moment. "Doctor?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Who all has access to your program?"_

"_Mine specifically was just recently sent to Star Fleet Headquarters. So any Star Fleet Admiral would have access to my… Wait, you're not suggesting that Star Fleet is involved in this, are you?"_

_Kathryn didn't say anything._

"_You can't be serious, Captain! How could Star Fleet possibly be involved in this? Why would they have brought you here to torture you? Especially in your condition!" _

"_What condition?" Kathryn looked up at him. She knew she was getting older, no doubt, but surely she was still relatively healthy. She hadn't felt any different lately – other than being kidnapped and nearly beaten to death. _

_The Doctor looked at her quizzically for a moment before realizing – obviously she didn't know. She had been unconscious for the past for four weeks. The embryo had only just finished implantation. "Why Captain," he said. "You're pregnant." _

_It took longer than it should have for the words to register in Kathryn's mind. Pregnant? __Me? __She began to feel sick again. That couldn't be right. That couldn't possibly be right. Her window for having children was essentially over. Hell, ever since Voyager, she hadn't expected to ever have children. Especially now with…. She gasped. "Oh, God…" she murmured aloud. Chakotay. _

"_Well, well, well…" The Doctor quickly turned to look at the man. Kathryn continued staring up at the ceiling. "Looks like we won't have to get any information out of you after all." _

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry this is taking so long! These summer assignments are kicking my butt. I have three of them, but two of them consist of three separate parts. I also have to read four books (two of which I've already read, so...) Also, I'm taking a SECOND Spanish class for school credit this summer (considering I have the final exam for the first one next week and I have to finish this next one in about half a month…). Ouch._**

**_So, I have a deal… If you guys will let me stick up one to two chapters a week for about the next two weeks, I should be able to dedicate my life to summer assignments. This means that I should – theoretically – have the last week of summer to spend on fanfiction and fanfiction only. Sound good? :D _**

**_Also, I would like to thank my wonderful beta reader pennyd for taking time to read this! I only got to read through it once before sending it to her, so it was practically hot off the press. Still, nobody is perfect (especially not Miss Summer Assignment Procrastinator), so if you notice anything, let me know! _**

**_-BBM_**


	10. Sleeping Beauty

_"Here's what's going to happen," he whispered, his breath hot and sticky against her ear. Kathryn attempted to jerk her head to the side, but she couldn't. Some form of band was digging into her frontal bone. There was another band pressing under her chin, keeping her jaw wired shut. It was then that she realized her arms and legs were also stuck to the strange metal table, as well as her hips. She tried to find a part of her body that could move, but other than wiggling her fingers and toes, she was frozen. _

_"The Doctor here," he said, grabbing the hologram by his arm and pulling him into Kathryn's line of sight, "is going to sedate you." The man placed his index finger on Kathryn's temple and slowly traced a line to her chin. "Then, he is going to take this scalpel," he said, picking up the sharp instrument and holding it for Kathryn to see. "And cut right along here." With his free hand, he traced another line right along her hypogastric region, just below her naval. "He is going to take what's in here," he set the scalpel down and picked up a small clear container for her to see. She could just about make out what appeared to be a very tiny black speck within; so small it was barely perceivable. "And he is going to integrate it into what should become the corpus callosum of the baby's brain."_

_Kathryn pursed her lips and swallowed a huge lump in the back of her throat. She felt tears forming behind her eyes, but she willed herself not to cry. _

_"__You should consider y__ourself lucky, Captain," he taunted. "The good Doctor is the only medical professional with skilled enough precision to accomplish this task." Kathryn could feel her heart beating heavily inside her chest. She tried to take deep, concentrated breathes to calm her nerves. Every sound was magnified tenfold; every movement became a grand gesture. She was terrified. But he didn't need to know that. _

"_What makes you think," Kathryn snarled, talking through closed teeth. "That he's going to do what you want?"_

_The man laughed. It was the laugh of a pompous man looking down at a small, filthy child. He knew he had absolute power. _

_"__This does, of course," he said, grabbing a rounded object from the table and pressing it against Kathryn's temple. Instantly, she knew it was a phaser. She doubted it was set to stun. "If the Doctor doesn't do what he's been asked to, you'll just die instead, Captain. You're disposable… if you need to be."_

_Kathryn looked up at the Doctor. She had no idea what as going on. She felt ignorant and helpless - weak. Powerless. He was barely able to maintain eye contact. Guilt flared from his holographic retinas. "Don't do this, Doctor." In the dark room, she could barely see him. Everything seemed to blend into everything else._

_The Doctor didn't say anything. He looked down miserably._

"_We will have our own medical __personnel__ watching his every move," the man said, not moving the phaser from Kathryn's temporal bone. "While he does not possess the precision and accuracy of the good Doctor, he knows the protocol for the procedure well. If the Doctor is to do anything wrong, you will die."_

_There were footsteps. Kathryn could only assume that they belonged to the other doctor. Someone Kathryn could not see handed a hypospray to the Doctor. Kathryn looked back at him. "Doctor," she said, pleading once more. "Don't do this." Her voice was almost wavering._

"_I… I'm sorry, Captain," he said, pressing the hypospray to her neck. The last thing Kathryn saw __before losing consciousness once again__ was the bright switch of the lights and the back of the man walking away..._

_()()()()()()()()()()_

"Chakotay, I would tell you if I could," she said, standing up as well. "I have raised her myself, and while you may not agree with it, it is fact. I am looking out for her wellbeing. Eventually, there will come a day when you will get to talk to her as her father. But today isn't that day." Kathryn felt a little stronger. She had banished the feelings of tears that had nearly dominated her moments before. She was in control again – hopefully for the long run.

Chakotay felt his temper running short. He had known this was a possibility. Hell, he had even known that it was most likely the _only possibility_. He just hadn't been expecting it. He wasn't sure what he _had_ been expecting. The opportunity to talk to his _daughter_? The chance to slowly integrate himself into her life?

"In the past, have I really given you much reason to doubt me?" she asked, sensing the peak in his anger. She needed to take advantage of it. If she could calm him down, she could work everything out. She just needed a chance. Just one chance…

"I know this is different, Chakotay. This is… personal. And I promise you, there _will_ be a day when I can explain everything. I need you to be patient." She grabbed one of his hands with one of hers, and then lightly rested her other hand on top of his.

"Don't you think fifteen years is more than enough waiting?" he choked. Now he was more crestfallen than he was angry. He was still having a hard time adjusting to everything. First, he had shared a magical night with a woman he had been madly in love with. Then it ended up, as some magical nights did, with her getting pregnant. And then… then _what_? She just decided to do it herself? Decided she didn't need him? Didn't want him? He simply couldn't understand what happened.

And she wasn't going to tell him any time soon, apparently. He felt conflicted. Somewhere in him, he knew that he should trust her. There was a part of him that still saw her as his captain, as a woman whose job it was to make the right decisions. But he had thought that after _all_ this time, she would be able to open up just a little. Frankly, he was tired of all the waiting. He was tired of the patience. He was tired of not knowing anything until Kathryn decided that it was OK for him to know it.

"Almost," she whispered, nodding her head solemnly. "Almost."

_()()()()()()()()()()_

_Kathryn felt sick when she woke up. She was tired of waking up not knowing what was going on. She was tired of people just knocking her unconscious at will. She had never felt so helpless in her life. Her eyes were closed for a moment. She felt __that, if__ she kept them closed, she wouldn't have to watch something else horrible happen to her life. She needed a moment – just a small moment – of solitude._

_After taking a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes. She was surprised to find that she was back in her apartment. She quickly sat up, looking around her room. Everything appeared to be in place. Everything appeared to be normal. For a brief second, Kathryn hoped that everything had been a dream._

_However, when the Doctor walked into her bedroom, that hope quickly vanished. "It's nice to see that you're awake, Captain," he said, walking to her bedside. "Do you feel any pain?"_

_She shook her head, realizing that her throat was quite dry. She cleared it, trying to find her voice. "No… How did we get here, Doctor?"_

"_I'm not sure. I was deactivated after the… procedure. Then I was reactivated here."_

_Kathryn's heart skipped a beat. She had forgotten about the procedure. The hypospray was the last thing she remembered – that and seeing the man's turned back. _

_"The procedure…" she said, __slowly, "…Doctor__, do you know what it was for?" She quickly moved a hand to her stomach, feeling a motherly desire to protect her child – even __when she__ already knew that the damage was done._

_He paused for a moment, looking away from Kathryn. "I… yes. But you should know something first, Captain." He grabbed a chair and took a seat next to her bed. Although he didn't need to, Tom Paris had once told him that it was a __sure-fire__ way to improve his 'bedside __manner'.__ "They… they have added some sort of program to my coding, Captain. They can see everything I do; hear everything I hear. If I try to change what they've done… I'll be deactivated. Permanently."_

_Kathryn __tried to swallow the lump in__ the back of her throat._

"_You should also know that I'm the only one qualified to undo what they've done. Humanoid doctors are quite advanced, Captain, but the device implanted into the corpus callosum will leave permanent brain damage if not removed in a very specific fashion." He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in a bit before continuing. "Medical technology is quite advanced, Captain. However, this device is a new __type__ of technology. Nothing in my programming recognized it. I believe that it was developed specifically for this purpose."_

"_Yes, but what does it do?"_

_The Doctor froze again. He looked down at the floor and then back up at Kathryn. She felt nervous. Her muscles were tense, and her eyes were purely focused on the Doctor. Her hand was clenched into a tight fist and pressed lightly onto her stomach. "Captain… If the device is not removed, the child will die on her sixteenth birthday."_

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_**

**_Woo. That was intense. Mwahaha. Haha. Ha._**

**_I'm sorry this took so long! I've just been super busy. However, at least I got one up, right? Right? :D Hopefully, the next one should be up sooner than a week. I only had time to write this one because there was a huge cockroach in my room. With all of my summer assignments. Perfectly valid excuse not to continue doing them, right? To be fair, I started and deleted this chapter several times. It took me forever to find the right way of doing it._**

**_I owe a HUGE thanks to Aunt Kathy! She was very generous in beta-ing this for me while my usual beta was away. She also inspired the title of this chapter! Once again, nobody is perfect, and if you notice anything that can be improved, let me know!_**

**_-BBM_**


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